Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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