Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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