my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize