well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
