I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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