New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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