Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize