She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
These tits shall not be calmed
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
