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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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