I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
