I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
