Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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