Duck Duck Cougar?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He passed out mid-signature
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
