You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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