This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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