i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Are we still banned from the library?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize