Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
