my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
