in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
