Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
