I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
