so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
