Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
