his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
