I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my shit smells like andre
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
