You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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