u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
