Umm I'm too high to move.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize