sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
