nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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