make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
