My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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