so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
