mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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