I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
