It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
