i don't like sucking hair
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
