Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
