And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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