Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
