How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
