They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
