tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
