they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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