george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize