there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
