I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
