i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
