Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
