your parents love me but you hate me
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When are your genitals available?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize