Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
