so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
