she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
