Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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