I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My ass is underappreciated
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
