We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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