My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
