guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
