He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
