Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I was not drunk enough for that final.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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