when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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