i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
