and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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