Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
