If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
