i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
