The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
