Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
