:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
