So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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