Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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