She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
