dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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