Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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