don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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